How the ADF stole Christmas

All the Whos in Cupertino liked Christmas a lot,
But the ADF's Lawyers in Scottsdale did not.

"This is bad" they decried, "Everyone's all aglow!"
"Our business is fear, and business is slow."

"We need to make trouble, raise donation rates."
"We need to trash peace, and stir up some hate."

Why were they so greedy? Nobody knows.
Could be their tight Guccis were hurting their toes.

Could be their Mercedeses needed upgrading
Or maybe they just had spent too much time hating.

But most people know, beyond any doubt
They'd forgotten what Jesus is really about.

So the lawyers sought trouble, they looked far and wide.
And found Cupertino, where Whos did abide.

They found a Who teacher, who'd fought with his boss,
Parents had complained, and both were quite cross.

"Join with us" said the lawyers "You'll be on TV!"
We'll sue your mean boss, and for you it's all free!

The Who signed the contract, with no way to know,
He'd just lost his soul; lawyers now ran the show.

"Yipee" said the lawyers, "let start with the lies"
We'll say Cupertino hopes Jesus Christ dies!

"Send a memo to Reuters, call Sean Hannity,
He's our favorite liar, such inanity.

"Say they viciously banned their beloved Constitution,
Who cares it's not true? It's our only solution.

"The Declaration, that hangs on their library wall,
We'll say that they burned it! Imagine! The gall!

"We'll claim that we fight every mean pagan commie.
Naive folks out there will send us big money.

"We'll call out our whackos; they'll phone in our threats,
Destroying their Christmas while we cash all the checks.

So they lied during broadcasts, and they lied in between,
Ignoring Exodus 21; verse 16.

They lied on the radio, lied on web.
Their smear job was vicious, and Cupertino bled.

So the Whos had a meeting, said "what can we do?"
We'll keep on being Whos, being caring and true!

We'll call up the press and show who we are.
Show we're Americans, from near and afar.

We'll show off our flags, and our many fine churches,
Show we're quite down to earth, unlike lawyers on perches.

So what if we're not all fair-skinned and white,
God made us all, it seems stupid to fight.

We'll keep our great school, we'll keep our high standards,
And we'll love all mankind, even lawyers that pander.

Peace on earth, good will towards men - even ADF lawyers - from the Parents at Stevens Creek Elementary school, Cupertino, California.